“why follow your dreams when you can follow me?”

Sully – 2022

Hawwy goes to Walmart

                It is Friday. Black Friday to be specific. Hawwy leaps into a metal shopping cart in the parking lot of Walmart. The lot is full of all sorts of cars, but luckily, Hawwy found this cart before anyone else. Crazed shoppers line the store entrance, pushing and screaming to get in first. “Push… Shopping… Cart…” Hawwy grunts. Saliva pools around the corners of his mouth. Hawwy’s two friends, Run and Hairymon, take ahold of the shopping cart handle. “Gosh, blimey Hawwy, you sure you want us to push you?” Run asks. Hawwy grunts and bobs his head in a “Yes”. Hairymon whips out her wand. “I’ve been wanting to test out this spell for ages Hawwy. VELOSITIS!!”

                Like a bullet, Hawwy speeds down the parking lot and toward the glass doors of the store. A white smoke trail billowing up where the shopping cart tires come into contact with the floor. Hawwy plows through the first row of shoppers, who scream as a person breaks their ranks. Hawwy’s small brain processes what is happening a little to slow. With a dull THUD, Hawwy crunches into the doors.

                Run and Hairymon come sprinting towards him, pushing through throngs of hissing shoppers.  “Revivus!” Hairymon flicks her wand at the shopping car and Hawwy’s limp, lifeless body floats into the air. With a shudder, his body falls to the floor. He is alive.

                The trio strolls into the store, blasting back any people who come close with killing spells. “Blimey! Look at those pictures! Let’s go!” Run cries, pointing a stubby finger at the large flat screen’s covering the back wall of the store. Hawwy looks and races forward. He knocks over a group of people fighting claw and tooth over a broken old laptop.  Hawwy gazes up at the huge television, which is playing rerun of the Walking Dead. Hawwy gasps as a zombie crawls into the frame, pulling the foot of the protagonist. With a shriek that sounds like a banshee, Hawwy raises his wand. “Watch out! There is an Inferious! Sectumsempra!” Gashes appear in the flatscreen, and it falls to the floor, shattering into a million pieces.

Hawwy scatters, stumbling away. He doesn’t even realize he is going right into the toy section of the store. Large teddy bears, bicycles, and all sorts of kid toys fill the shelves. A large crowd of small children are crowded around a rather lanky, tall man, wearing a black hat and a black coat. He is standing on a wooden pedestal.  “I’m Harry Potter!” He cries, raising a long, polished wooden stick.  The real Hawwy stumbles backward in surprise. There was another wizard at this store? There can be no question its Voldemort!

 “Avada Kedavra!

There is a flash of blinding green light, and the magician crumples to the ground. Hawwy’s wand tip is smoking. The group of children turn, to see a short plump person holding a wand. Some of the children raise their own wands. “Kill him!” One shouts. Before Hawwy can cast another killing spell, the children race forward and grab Hawwy, piercing sticks into any exposed body part.

With a burst of rage, Hawwy flicks his wand. All of the children fly off of Hawwy like an opposing magnet, and Hawwy gets to his feet. With lightning fast reflexes, he bellows “Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra!”

Pointing his wand at each of the unconscious children in turn, he murders them. Just as he kills that last Harry Potter fan, there is a loud noise behind him. “Throw the stick to the ground and raise your hands!” Hawwy whips around, his red eyes glowing malevolently. It is the police. A whole squadron have just arrived. Harry flicks his wand carelessly, and the cop falls to the floor, lifeless. The squadron fires their assault rifles. Hawwy deflects most of the bullets toward their shooters, but he can’t dodge everything. Hawwy falls to the floor, a bullet lodged in his wand arm. The police sustain heavy damage, but somehow manage to subdue the small child. Hawwy is going to prison again.

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