“why follow your dreams when you can follow me?”

Sully – 2022

The Misadventures of Linguini Miguel

                Linguini Miguel was Sensei Shihan’s top student in karate class. He was an incredibly tall and thin man with a raggedy beard and patchy haircut that looked like it was trimmed by a blind monkey. Linguini Miguel’s serious expression seemed to be plastered onto his face, so even if wanted to, he couldn’t smile. His large Adams Apple bobbed up and down whenever he spoke.

                Linguini Miguel’s only son, Craiden, was ten years old. Craiden was also tall and thin, but he wasn’t so gaunt.  Craiden was trained well and was going onto the MMA finals in a week.

                One sunny day in Puerto Rico, Linguini Miguel was driving to karate class in his muddy red pickup truck. Craiden was in the backseat, immersed in his handheld video console. The pickup truck was a highly modified version, with an extra-large cabin roof for Linguini Miguel’s spindly neck. Linguini Miguel stopped at the red light and turned to see a car screeching down the bumpy road, money flying out of the windows. A second later, a cop car turned the bend and started pursuing the burglar.  

                Linguini Miguel realized what he had to do. He opened the truck’s driver door and leaped out, banging his head on the roof. Rubbing his neck and cursing like a horse, Miguel quickly pulled on his spandex costume, which was bright red and had white stripes running vertically down. The runaway car was getting closer to the light. Linguini Miguel strapped on his Spiderman mask and jumped into the middle of the road. The speeding car wasn’t showing any signs of slowing down anytime soon.

                Miguel thought quickly and flexed his shoulder. Then he reached out toward the open window of the car, and kept on reaching, and reaching, and reaching. His arm seemed to be made of rubber. The driver of the car was clearly panicked as a long, rubbery arm grabbed him by the neck and lifted him out of the speeding car. The car slowed as the man was yanked out of the car and pulled back to Linguini Miguel. The police car slowed to a stop as it reached Linguini Miguel. The police man got out of his patrol car and shouted in rapid Spanish to his partner as he watched Linguini Miguel choke the burglar to death.

                Linguini Miguel threw the man to the ground and took a superhero stance, waiting for the news cars to come streaming to him, but the policeman walked up instead.

                “We were filming a movie you idiot!” he said with a thick English accent, pointing to a black van that had come to a stop. There was a camera crew panning the area with their large television lenses, looking for the “burglar”. Linguini Miguel gasped, and took a closer look at the black van’s logo. MARVEL’S AVENGERS it read, in big white letters. Linguini Miguel had killed an innocent man.

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