‘Addy slipped on his black ski-mask and donned gloves and boots with metal spiked cleats.
His plan was going smoothly so far. He peered out of the bathroom stall to make sure nobody was inside, and quietly tip-toed out. According to his watch, it was exactly 8:59 PM. The bank was closed to anyone. The ceramic tiles under his spiked boots cracked into pieces and he hurried out of the bathroom and into the main teller’s stall. The last teller here was “Gregory Soplat”, ‘Addy could tell by the nametag left on the table. He nervously looked around for the main teller’s computer, checking the glass windows and doors to make sure nobody outside on the street could see him. Aha!
‘Addy congratulated himself happily, and swiftly cracked the computer in two with his boots. The evil man heard the quiet beeping noise of the safe opening, and he put his ear against the cold wall. It was there, in the other room! ‘Addy raised his hand to his throat, shouted “Cup ‘Em Up!”, and swiped across, mimicking killing someone. The wall split like it hadn’t been connected to the floor. ‘Addy dodged the bricks and stones that had used to be the wall, leapt over them like a ballerina, and landed inside the safe. There, in the middle of the room, were mound and mounds of cash and gold jewelry.
‘Addy wept into his hands. Ever since he was five, he had imagined breaking into and robbing a bank. It had been his childhood dream, but he had never seen to it until this day. ‘Addy pulled out a small plastic box from his duffel bag and placed it next to the money. He pulled it into the safe’s convenient wall socket and turned it on. The machine hummed quietly, and ‘Addy began feeding the cash into the mouth of the box. The box quickly began consuming the money. Soon, all of the money was gone.
‘Addy happily hummed the theme song to Pirates of the Caribbean, and lifted the box’s mouth, expecting to see piles of cash. Instead, he let out an ear-piercing shriek that shattered every glass pane within five miles. After he had spent all of the air in his lungs, he looked back into the box. There are shreds of green paper. The box, which ‘Addy had thought was a money sorter, was actually a paper shredder.
The bank’s manager later found ‘Addy sobbing to himself, cradling the shreds of money in the safe. He was promptly arrested and sentenced to fifteen years in prison.