“why follow your dreams when you can follow me?”

Sully – 2022

The True Story of Corrodin’ Gordin’

Gordin’ was a small, stubby child of the young age of 11. The youthful adolescent had a short haircut all the way to his scalp, and resided with his brother, Bradle, with their parents in Florida. Bradle was a rambunctious child of the wild. He had a buttery-like boombox of a voice and would constantly bluster for random reasons, similar to a broken alarm. Bradle was 9 and had a high-top. Gordin’ hobbies included playing the trombone, mining diamonds in Minecraft, and beating Bradle in Mario Kart. Each day, while Gordin’ was on the school bus to his residence, he would call his best and only comrade, Humu. Humu was similar to Gordin’, being 11 years old, and having curly hair, but he was taller, and wanted to be a Chef when he grew up. Gordin’ had no ambitious plans for his life, except to get full enchanted diamond armor in Minecraft.

Gordin’s parents sent him to St. Brutus’s Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Youth, a detention center for children in Florida. Gordin’ was the only child who wasn’t mentally deranged at the center. He was quite a normal child but was sent to St. Brutus for the academically brilliant trombone music program. Bradle was lucky and went to the local public school.

It was a chilly Sunday night at Gordin’s house. Gordin’ huffed and sat up in his bed. He was having an awful nightmare. In the dream, Gordin’ had been imprisoned inside of a metal coffin, which was being slowly lowered into a tank of “Anti-Rust Paint”, what read the label on the tank’s side. Gordin’ had awoken before his head was completely submerged. The stubby adolescent wiped his sweaty forehead and sighed. The nightmare must have been caused by those spicy chicken wings he had devoured fifteen of at lunch. Those things anyways gave him the cramps. Gordin’ sank back into his Minecraft blanket and dozed off.

In the morning, Gordin’ awoke, and peered out his window. The sky was dark with clouds heavy with rain, and thunderclaps rolled across the sky like marbles. Gordin’ jumped out of bed and skidded into the kitchen. “Shimina!” He bellowed a curse. He was 15 minutes late to school! After sprinting into his parents’ and Bradle’s room, it was clear that they had already left to work and school. The boy slipped into his yellow jumpsuit, the school outfit, hurriedly downed a cold bagel, and snagged his rainboots along with a Minecraft umbrella. Gordin’ jumped up and down on one foot as he struggled to put on his rainboots, but they were three sizes too small. Cursing under his breath, Gordin’ made the choice to walk in his regular Minecraft sneakers. They weren’t waterproof, but they would do. After locking the front door, Gordin’ began the 3-mile walk to St. Brutus. A car passed by and splashed muddy water over Gordin’s bright yellow school uniform. Gordin’ shivered. It was freezing outside, and he had forgotten to put on his underclothes.

Gordin’ put his umbrella and looked twice across the street before crossing. He was now walking under a low-hanging powerline. Suddenly, the short boy stumbled. He went down, falling in the stream of water flowing down the sidewalk. Getting up, Gordin’ picked up what he had tripped over, a paint can. “Huh?” Gordin’ gasped as he read the label on the can. “Anti-Rust Paint”. That’s when it happened. A bolt of lightning boomed in the sky and traveled towards Gordon’s Minecraft umbrella. It seemed to happen in slow-motion. The boy looked up as the bolt of lightning struck the umbrella and traveled through its metallic frame. Gordin’ screamed as millions of volts of electricity traveled down his delicate meaty body, and into the flowing water. The can of anti-rust paint that Gordin’ had picked up exploded and sizzled across his body, as electricity from the lightning bolt combined with the acidic properties seeped into Gordin’s skin. The paint can of anti-rust paint fell to the floor, and Gordin’ fell into the water.

Several hours later, Gordin’ eyes fluttered open. He was laying face down on the same sideway. It was sunny outside, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Gordin’ moaned with pain. His tongue felt like it had been microwaved on high, and his bones ached. Gordin’ got to his feet, slowly, and looked around. His jumpsuit had been completely fried off of his body when the lightning struck. Gordin’ was standing in the middle of town with just his undies. Gordin’ picked up the can of anti-rust paint can in anger and was about to hurl it into the road when something strange happened. Gordin’ felt something in his body react to the metal, and suddenly, the can disintegrated in his touch, becoming red, and then finally turning to dust. The can clattered to the pavement; it’s handle had been completely corroded off. Gordin’ looked at his soot-covered hands with amazement. He clapped them together, and sparks flew off of them as if two opposing magnets touched. Gordin’ touched the sidewalk, but nothing happened. Maybe it needed something with metal? Gordin’ looked around and found the perfect test subject. Across the street, there was small drug store, and a brand-new Lamborghini was parked in the only handicapped spot. Anger flew off of Gordin’ like a black hole, and he sprinted across the street. It was quite the sight to behold, a half-naked adolescent testing his new corrosive powers. Touching the illegally parked $300,000 super car, the car alarm went off. The car owner leaped out from the store, screaming. “Stop it! Get away from my-!” But the man’s voice winded down as the car slowly melted like an ice cream cone. The car alarm wound down like a record as the car’s internal components corroded, before completely disintegrating. Corrodin’ Gordin’ glared at the man. “Have respect for the disabled” Before he sprinted off towards home.

That marks the end of Corrodin’ Gordin’s story. Stay tuned for Part 2!

One response to “The True Story of Corrodin’ Gordin’”

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